I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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