By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
