So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
