hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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