The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
