she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
