Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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