I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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