my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I could fuck to npr.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
