I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
