im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
