If that was your dad, he is hot
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
