ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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