thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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