Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize