I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
