I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He has the fingertips of a God
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