Your face is a jimmy john
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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