you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
