I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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