he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
