Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
