I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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