I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
