Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
