I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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