I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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