very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize