If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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