I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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