took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
