I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
pray to the hookup gods
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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