i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize