Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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