what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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