My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
