I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
