She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
