I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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