I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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