actually, I'm a sock model
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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