So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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