Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
where are you?
Hypothermia
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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