i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
