I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
