Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
