I bet he comes in French.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
