When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
