Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just want to make out with him forever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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