He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
