May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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