Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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