Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
