I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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