remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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