One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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