i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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