Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
