Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
