FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
