So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
