I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
