I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
