i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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