I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
