quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
