im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
