Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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