I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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