sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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