Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
