i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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