i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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