I'm so fucking centered right now
I hate all girls vehemently.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
