you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
