If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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