My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
